One Year Ago

by Bruce Eastman

The past few weeks I’ve been feeling blue and discouraged. I haven’t been able to get rid of thoughts of “You’ve always failed because of your impulsive and other ADHD behavior.” Every day this past week I saw evidence I was once again going to fail. It wasn’t until I was talking with my ADHD coach in a small group that she pointed out, “Bruce, wasn’t it one year ago in February that you were struggling with whether or not you wanted to continue working or retire?”

What! Really? Wait… that is true! One year ago, February 2021, I was faced with the grim possibility that I may lose yet another in a long list of many jobs I had either chosen to leave or I was asked to leave. Having a race car mind and bicycle brakes, (Hallowell, Ratey 2021), why was I so surprised that being in racetrack work environments often and generally led to poor outcomes? The long hours, and literally unlimited number of daily decisions, triggered overly emotional reactions with co-workers and poor decision making.

Ultimately, in April of 2021, I decided not to renew my professional licenses as an RN and Family Practice Provider, knowing that to continue the long hours, and complex daily decisions was robbing me of my very soul and essence as a human being. My blood pressure was high, my weight was 20 pounds too much, my anxiety was out of control, and the stress was affecting my relationship at home.

Now, one year later, I am redefining my life. Making choices of how to spend my time is challenging. Most of the cold calls I make for sales don’t answer or the answer is “No.” My coaching business is brand new, but there is a lack of qualified coaches, so more clients will show up soon. Being the househusband, doing the shopping, cooking, and caring for our house is challenging. Sometimes I wonder which adventure I will work on today. Life is full of surprises every day. Of note, I generally schedule time to exercise, meditate, fish, and spend time with friends. This is very different from the stress of one year ago.

As my wife tells me, “It’s good to have the real Bruce back.”

Bruce Eastman offers coaching for middle age – older adults struggling with Attention deficit symptoms. Zoom meeting available world wide. Visit his Facebook page to learn more.